Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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