We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
