1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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