I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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