Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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