ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
