epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Drake has all the answers
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
