I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
