I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
