Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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