why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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