He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
