Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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