He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
