You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
