I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
