Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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