the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
