I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
