she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
