Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
