just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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