sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize