i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
