I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
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