batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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