She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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