Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
