yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
