My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
