if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
