Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize