Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I have post one night stand depression
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
