I can tuck mytits in my pants
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
