I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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