Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
