Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
