He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
