just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
