he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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