Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
