I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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