In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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