Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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