Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
