I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's blow job season.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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