grandma shit on top of the toilet
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think I sprained my soul last night
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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