i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize