He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
