Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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