hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
