God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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