also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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