While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
