Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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