You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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