I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Four minutes until I can fart!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
