if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
