We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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