I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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