i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
