That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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