i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
