is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
