mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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