first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
