I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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