The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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