You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
