I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
