Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
