put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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