my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
