you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
