Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
